I am celebrating 6 years of recovery from anorexia today.
6 years of taking one step after the other towards freedom from my fear of having a body that is not stick thin.
6 years of hard work that was often not seen by anyone but me.
6 years of not waking up in the morning and running to weigh myself.
6 years of not counting calories in my head and freaking out about a number that doesn’t mean a thing.
6 years of regaining my joy and life force.
6 years of finding happiness.
6 years of freedom from that constant agony and terror that lived inside my mind.
Had I not checked myself into treatment 6 years ago, I wouldn’t have Johann.
I wouldn’t be writing.
I wouldn’t be podcasting.
I wouldn’t be vlogging.
I wouldn’t be coaching.
I wouldn’t be mentoring.
I wouldn’t know most of you.
I am so so so grateful for this reminder today and it sparks so many memories showing how far I’ve come, what I’ve learned, what I’ve been through and how my life has transformed.
None of that would’ve happened had I not had the courage to change (and I didn’t want to, I was terrified, tried to get out of it many, many times!).
And if any of that would’ve happened anyway, I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy it, because all I’d have thought about was food, not eating, exercise, calories, weight and my body.
I’m grateful for the last 6 years and even for those first months of recovery that were a hell of a lot harder than I expected them to be.
I had to break myself apart and put myself together again.
Some pieces wouldn’t fit anymore, so I had to release those parts of me and instead add those that represented the true me – the me that is more than just a body and a number on a scale.
I’m grateful for all my setbacks because they made me stronger and more determined to break free once and for all.
I’m grateful for this life. <3
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